


Feelings, Love (they're not forbidden)

by rarepairsinmycup



Series: Building A Home (on hiatus) [26]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Adoption, Co-workers, Communication, Dialogue Heavy, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Headcanon, M/M, Male Friendship, Modern Era, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23314102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairsinmycup/pseuds/rarepairsinmycup
Summary: “I don't feel ‘safe’ asking some stranger, no matter our shared experience,” he says. “You ran through the whole adoption process with every step forward and backward. Am I wrong to feel — guilt?”
Relationships: Komamura Sajin & Kyouraku Shunsui, Kyouraku Shunsui/Ukitake Juushirou
Series: Building A Home (on hiatus) [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1048334
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Feelings, Love (they're not forbidden)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over 'Bleach' nor am I profiting from this. 
> 
> Shunsui references work here -- which, I can't remember whether he has brought it up? 
> 
> Anyway, it is a headcanon which IfCujorWereSappho and I have been working on together.

“I’ve been your friend for a long time. I can't go to Juushiro because we agreed from the beginning: work would never come home unless my day involved rescuing kittens or his preferred wholesome thing. I had no problem taking on cases with a sex offender or murderer. Then, Nanao came along. I couldn’t do that anymore.”

Sajin can remember. He remembers Shunsui removing his ring for fear people would somehow link Juushiro back to him. Then nobody would bring up his partner or niece. Shunsui began removing her existence, Juushiro’s existence from work and slowly crumpled til’ he put in his notice. He shares the separate lives rule with Kaname though it’s easier to say than perform it. 

“I remember.” Far more than he prefers. “Now, what’s bothering you, Shunsui? You only bring up work when trying to escape from something worse.” 

Shunsui grins weakly. No matter his effort, he’s still this obvious to a friend? 

“I don't feel ‘safe’ asking some stranger, no matter our shared experience,” he says. “You ran through the whole adoption process with every step forward and backward. Am I wrong to feel — guilt?”

Is he robbing some birth family somewhere by going through with this? Shunsui could recall the month where Juushiro sobbed and begged him ‘no more babies’ because a parent changed their mind within the allotted time. 

He could recall Juushiro tearing down the border, screaming, and coming down a sobbing mess because the reunification guaranteed nothing more than death. 

Something can go wrong with paperwork. Some family members can emerge and no matter the obscurity — the goal is reunification. 

“I want them with us forever.” Shunsui can't help the cracking in his voice. “I want the happiness and nerves and frustration over our progress and losses. I can't find it with them. Juushiro wants them and he has these things.”

Sajin pushes a paper towel across the table and he nearly laughs. A man better with his dog than any human. Imagining his next comfort effort does make him laugh. 

Sajin will probably offer him a treat or wave some leash around. Imagining him dancing around calms him to pick up the paper towel and dab his eyes, chuckling as he does so. 

“Either I wallow in the bad or do worse. I become overwhelmed with this temptation to search for any report. Is the abuser gone or receiving proper punishment? I worry for the birth parent and any living family because…”

No, he can't imagine a place where his brother and sister-in-law kept him ignorant of Nanao. 

“I couldn’t sleep for a week following our adoption.” Sajin nods and then nods again. “I think a week and an hour is precise? I would be so close to sleep and then some intrusive thing popped up. Obviously our paperwork was messed up or the judge changed their mind. I once even dreamt that we’d accidentally kidnapped him but no one noticed.”

“I had those nightmares, too.” Shunsui laughs despite the memory, the subject. “Nanao would run away or Juushiro would be the one running away. Those haven’t gone away completely but have changed?” 

“I no longer wake up terrified because you’re there to arrest me for unintentionally kidnapping my son.” Sajin kicks him beneath the table. “I don’t have some magical solution where it goes away. You’re allowed to have sympathy toward the birth family and worry for them. Have you considered bring up a support group to Juushiro? Kaname attends one where those hoping to adopt and families who have adopted discuss any struggles.” 

Sajin kicks him again with force this time, slamming a hand down over his to squeeze hard. “You better remember this above everything else: nothing is wrong with being scared. Just don’t go around withholding it.” 

-

Shunsui intends on having the conversation upon getting home. He even has a card with the group number and weekly session times. Every intention he has completely backfired upon stepping through the door. Everyone has already become immersed in the normal chaos and routine. 

“Is everything okay?” Shunsui braces as Toshiro wraps around his legs. “I can take over the lunch and getting him down for a nap should you want.” 

Juushiro begins to brush crumbs off his lap then gives up with a huff. “I'd give you anything for a whole minute alone. I haven’t been able to have a snack or use the bathroom without him chasing me around. Closing the door caused him to have a complete and utter breakdown.” 

Toshiro squeezes him tighter and for a moment, he swears Juushiro looks hurt. 

“I can manage the lunch and nap routine for him should you want a minute or hour alone. I'll even give you two hours and we can have a one-on-one conversation?” 

“A hopeless romantic to the core.” 

Shunsui pats his pocket with the card; later for sure.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for my absence: birthday happened and I was absorbed hard into LoZ and Sword. 
> 
> I am beginning a county-wide lockdown by midnight. Every essential thing and is remaining open along with essential employees being required. I have moved completely online for school.
> 
> Also -- hate this title so much but it was all I could come up with and I stayed up too late to write this/forgot to eat breakfast to finish it.


End file.
